Monthly Archives: January 2009

Today (before midnight) was Inauguration Day, and while I know the job has just begun for our new president, I am proud to have seen this day come to pass, and to have been an active part of his election. I donated more this year to Barack’s campaign than to all other political donations combined. I shared my thoughts and feelings on this candidate many times with many people, and while I didn’t make phone calls or go out into the streets, I was a part of this movement.
Now we have a President Obama in the White House. I’m exhaling, and I’m ready, so very ready, to engage with politics again, and to have this President get to work and lead our country out of despair and into prosperity. I’m ready to do what I personally need to do to help him, and to follow his leadership. I am looking forward to his press conferences, and his speeches. Oh, how dreamy, finally a President who is thoughtful, intelligent, reasoned and inspired to do good for all Americans. I look at this man and I see the very best that this country has to offer. No man is more deserving to be the leader of the free world in this day than Barack Obama.
And yet, there is so much to do, and he’s not even started yet. He’s got lots of ideas, has made these ideas and plans public, and is poised, but only now has the power been handed to him. I’m sure that the Republicans felt the same way when Bush was elected 8 years ago – there was such a negative energy towards the Clinton administration, that for the right, Bush was their every-man breath of fresh air. He was one of them, in the same way that Obama is one of us. The only difference, is that Obama has been on the presidential path and public stage for over two years, and in that time, he’s performed flawlessly, shown integrity and cool, shrewd intellect, and deep compassion. And he’s a man who understands working hard in times of hardship – he’s the exact right president for today’s times.
Thank you, Obama, for rising to the challenge and serving your country at a time that would make others quake in their boots and run for the hills.
Now, get to work!

Hello everyone,
I took the weekend off of computer interactions starting Friday evening for Julia’s 40th birthday party (a fun time was had by all, with mead on tap and karaoke craziness – Julia had a wonderful time), Saturday was spent recovering and Sunday we took the boys to watch the Harlem Globetrotters at the Oakland Arena, and last night I played the Battlestar Galactica board game
from Fantasy Flight games with a couple of friends (totally awesome game – very well made). All blogworthy in their own special way, but mostly I used the weekend to unplug from the computers and destress (although I did have an IT emergency that had to be handled – can never get away from that when you’re in the hosting business).
The truth is, it’s healthy for me to unplug as much as I can, so therefore I think you shouldn’t depend on weekend blog posts. However, I do not exclude their possibility. This week is going to be grueling, as we have a beta launch Wednesday and a full launch at the end of the week. We’re still wiring the technology together, and it’s a day-by-day process. Late double-shift nights in our future, I’m afraid. I’ll be in touch.

Today I went to Cowgirl Creamery to have the manager sample my mead, with perhaps the prospect of having it sold in the shop, but I’m pretty sure he was underwhelmed. He seemed to warm to my Blackberry Flower, but didnt’ like the Orange Blossom. He found several ways to judiciously tell me he wasn’t interested. I know I make a fantastic product, really best of class for meads, but not everyone is a mead drinker. I don’t think he’s going to carry it, at least not right now. I think it’s his loss, really, but you can’t account for taste.
No matter – on better news, when dropping by the winery today, Paul was meeting with a wine shop owner, and he loved my mead and will be carrying it very soon at Double Crossed Wines. The online shop isn’t open yet, but should be soon.

As a business owner, the most important objective is to bring in new business. The most imperative part of bringing in business is the pitch, and the proposal. The pitch is something I can do pretty solidly, and while I can also write a decent proposal, I’m finding that it’s taking a good deal of our collective time for each job. I’d say each proposal is worth about $1000 in and of itself, in equivalent hour value. This means, it’s costing us $1000 just to tell a client what we’re wanting to charge them and why. Insane, really, if you think about it, and you end up having to build that value right into the bid. Problem is, that time is not valued by the client at all – it’s expected to be given to them freely, otherwise how can they even estimate if they should choose your firm versus another firm. If you add in the fact that everyone’s job has different parameters, needs, desires and expectations, and if you’re trying to extend your model into activities you have not sold before – this leads to a lot of time just thinking, and reworking wording.
That’s what we’re doing right now. We have about eight proposals to get out the door, and they’re just taking forever. Add to that our ongoing workload, and you can see how we’re just up to our eyelids and unable to rest. But, we have to keep on chasing, and bringing people into the pipeline. We’ve been relatively successful at the $1k-$3k range for client sites, but we’re now moving into the $6k-$12k packages that include not only site design and implementation, but internet marketing campaign management. It’s where we need to go if we’re going to survive and thrive, and it’s a lot to ask of a client, but not if you figure in the absolute necessity of that work, and the total number of hours that actually go into managing an internet marketing campaign, including ad campaign management, search engine optimization, keyword placement, conversion testing, and all the other things necessary to properly administer an online presence. However, budgets are not what they once were, and there’s a lot of resistance to paying the proper value for anything in this market. Consumer trends suggest that anything less than 50% off is not considered a bargain right now. If that translates to services, we should be cutting our rates in half – but we aren’t. We can’t. We have overhead and this stuff just isn’t worth it if you’re losing money every month.
So, I have a feeling we’ll be doing a lot of late nights for the next few weeks, spending our time and giving it away for free, so that maybe, just maybe someone will decided to pay us back for our time.

I’ve got little under two weeks until I go to Hawaii, and about two weeks exactly until launch. So that means, I don’t sleep until Hawaii. To make matters even better, a contractor from India botched a client’s site, and I had to spend the better part of today making it better. I have work to do before I can sleep, and I get to wake up early tomorrow and start all over again.
Nothing special to report, just complaining about my life. Oh yeah, tomorrow at 10 am – get to tell the client status. I still am testing the technology, and we haven’t implemented. I hope it all works.

Two days off the computer means two blog entries that didn’t happen, but I desperately needed to stay away from possible client emails or other interactions that would increase my stress level higher than it already is. Instead, I took my Shabbat without electronics, and just hung out like the old days again.
Friday night I had a couple good friends over for an all-night marathon game of Battlestar Galactica by Fantasy Flight (if you haven’t played this game, it’s pretty intense. The rules are complicated enough to keep it interesting, and it’s got some really cool mechanisms in it.
Saturday I spent the day with my parents, sister, brother-in-law and kids to celebrate my Mom’s birthday (she’s only 54 – it gets weirder and weirder as I get older how much not older she is than me). We took a quick drive out to Point Reyes (unfortunately Cowgirl Creamery is closed for winter cleaning, and we couldn’t visit the cheese bar), then ended up coming home and having grilled ribeyes for dinner.
Today I helped transfer mead for a beekeeper’s club I did a demo for a few months back, and then we went to the synagogue for Sunday school. I finished the day up with a game of Heroscape with Eli, and now I’m trying to consider doing work while watching all the Chuck episodes for a second time (I’ve got a serious crush on Yvonne Strahovski a.k.a. Sarah Walker).
Feeling still a bit overwhelmed at work – lots to do in a few weeks. I’ll keep you updated.

I can’t wait for this week to end. I’m freaked out that this week is almost over. I am going through constant waves of anxiety around the amount of tasks that have piled up around me in the wake of the mighty issues with the ONE CLIENT that aren’t being resolved sufficiently. My designer is evidently at the verge of melt-down, and if I don’t fix THE PROBLEM, nobody will. I’m unable to get on top of my business, and I’m unable to engage with other concerns, because this is all-encompassing, and the truth is, I am about to have a stroke with the pressure that’s on me.
My only reward has been escapism, and the escapism has kept me up at night (or kept me company while I couldn’t sleep) to the tune of 2 am to 4 am every night this week. I’m about to explode, collapse, expire. I need my shabbat, no matter what does or doesn’t get done.
I can’t talk much about the details of the issues, frankly because I don’t want to alarm the client if they happen to be reading my blog. I’m sure it’s something we can fix, but right now it’s driving everyone mad, and it’s a serious show-stopper. I’m about ready to call in external help.
I need to take a shower, as I haven’t in days. I need to sleep soon, or else I risk collapse. And yet, the work lay in front of me, taunting me.

Tonight I went to Cub Scout round-up (adult meeting for Cub Scout leaders), and while I learned how to plan for a winter camp-out and how to cook Greek lemon soup and black bean & plantain tostada cups, I had a real sense of calm. I was able to move out of my work stress and my anxiety, and just enjoy the company of others in service of helping our kids. It’s nice to be back from vacation, and just get back into the swing of things. To get back into the pattern of my life, with all the little mundane regularities. Work stress has taken a lot out of me recently, and it’s gonna be hard for the next few weeks, and then we head out to Hawaii where I’m going to break my routine for another two weeks. I know that as fun as that will be, it’s likely to throw my schedule off even more and disrupt my work flow at time critical to pushing the business forward. Just thinking about it makes me a bit anxious. That’s how screwed up I am right now – a two week vacation in Maui is making me anxious.
Sigh.
Anyhow, I am taking each day at a time, and savoring the normalcy and calm of every recurring moment. I’ll check in tomorrow.

Today on my way into work I stopped by the bagel shop (where I eat all the time) and picked up a sausage dog and a coffee to try and bolster myself for what was promising to be a stressful day at work, with a client coming in to see work and talk to us, and with me knowing that we were nowhere near finished and with a 2-week launch window, I was anxious (and frankly, I still am). Turns out, that sausage was tainted and it sent me into a GI tailspin. I had to duck out home and spent a painful afternoon in the restroom trying to purge and recover, and deal with my simultaneous anxiety and stress over business. The signs of the recession are painfully close, and while we’re still building our business and trying to reach profitability, I got news this morning that Factor 5 (the large video game company in the same building as us) went belly up. I guess that explains why there’s so much parking in the parking lot.
It’s just tough – it’s hard enough being a new novice entrepreneur in a good economy, but to start a business in a downturn is downright freaky. I will keep up the faith, as I have two employees and frankly it’s easier to try and make our business run than to find a job, and I just don’t want back into the rat race. I am feeling the effects of overwork stress, working 14 hour days at times, and missing my free time. I feel like I’m running around like crazy and we have so far to go before it’s all working along at its own pace. Added to the stress, we go to Hawaii at the end of the month for a couple of weeks, and I’m not sure how we’re going to make it all work. I guess it’s a trail run for distance management.
Now I get the news tonight about LJ, and again the anxiety hits. When do we hit bottom? When does all of this shake out, and can we keep on going in the meanwhile. I’m fortunate to have a bit of a safety net, but it’s still tough to just leak money without feeding enough back in to balance the sheets. I just have to keep on breathing and pushing forward, and keep the faith that it’ll all work out.
Today was like my body’s way to enforce perspective, however, much like my shoulder. I’m getting biofeedback telling me to stop pushing my body so hard, and thus my mind and soul. I have to start my yoga practice again, or something. That, and make sure I stay connected with my kids, my family, and my friends. My apologies, by the way, if you haven’t seen much reply to my personal emails lately – it’s been one of the casualties of my life these days.
I should try to get to sleep here, as I’ve put my body through the ringer enough today.
Oh, by the way, I hear the meeting went fantastic. I have a great team.

I’ve been having some crises of faith over the last few days, and it’s only because I’m tired and overworked and dealing with clients that are expecting impossible deadlines, but working double shifts and trying to stay positive for my staff can wear me down, and today I’m just feeling like I wish I had my comfy CSU job back, with even schedules and guaranteed pay. I could go home at 5pm and leave my work at work – spend time with family and friends, and not have to worry about where my next client was going to come from. Sure, my will was depleting and my mind was failing, and I was kinda tired and done with the work I was doing, but at least it had the illusion of being secure and it certainly wasn’t taxing.
I’ll get over it in a few days – mostly I’m grumbly because we have a client meeting tomorrow and I’m not personally happy with where we are on the project, and I feel like the meeting could have some rough spots based on mismanaged expectations. Perhaps I’m speaking out of turn, and everything will be fine, but again – I’m tired and grumbly.
So tonight I work my 2nd shift and I’ll turn on the TV and watch back episodes of ‘Chuck’ to keep me up and happy. Maybe I’ll get to sleep by 4am.
Is it always gonna be this much work?