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Public Apology

12 November 2008

It’s not often we get a chance to confront our own inner d*ckhead, but today I got to see it first-hand. Every once in a while I find myself tripping down forest trails on facebook and finding friends-of-friends-of-friends, and locating folks I used to know in previous parts of my life. Recently I did this, and friended an old high school classmate, and was met with a very angry ‘how dare you’ response, making reference to a ‘psycho’ post I made about this person, and initially I was confused. I hadn’t remembered making any such post about this person at all – why would I? I hadn’t seen her in years, and never had anything against her, but I decided to check out my blog history, just in case I had accidentally said something that could be misconstrued. Well, I searched back and about two and a half years ago, there’s a post by me that included some vulgarity and thoughtless statements about this person that should have never been written, much less to a blog post on the internet. I would publicly apologize to this person, but I don’t want to feed her name back into the search engines and start the cycle of impropriety over again. I’ve removed the original post, but unfortunately the post is archived and will exist on the way-back machine indefinitely. So, not only have I alienated a potential friend, someone I really knew nothing about other than our brief acquaintance as kids, but I’ve defamed her in a public space. I feel like crap, and can only figure I was drunk when I wrote the post, but ultimately it was inexcusable and I don’t even deserve to ask for forgiveness. All I can hope is that the information falls off the radar, and searches no longer turn up my post for her name. I wish I could say ‘oh, it was such a long time ago’, but the fact that it was only 2 1/2 years ago belies that argument. Really, I have to just face that due to whatever unresolved childhood issues, or whatever crap I might have been going through at the time, I have a part of me that can be an ass, and can be truly insensitive. So, even though I don’t deserve to be forgiven, I ask for her forgiveness. I felt this had to be a public apology, but I just can’t include her actual name.

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